Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. You know what that means, right? Romance is in the air! Unfortunately, this also means that the air will be filled with sadness and disappointment, so I have compiled a list of the most romantic relationships ever formed between two people with no sexual interest in one another. You’re welcome.
Rules: 1. One entry per franchise. 2. The two characters can’t actually be brothers, e.g. Mario & Luigi. 3. No inanimate object pairings, e.g. Chell & Companion Cube. 4. Entrants are disqualified if they are merely hiding their carnal love, e.g. the guys from Army of Two.
For the purposes of this article, the definition of “Bromance” is malleable to the needs of comedy. However, a scientific method was used to put the nominees in order. Specifically, bromantic intensity was measured by the number of gigabytes of slash fiction and yaoi fan art on the internet. It took a long time to research this piece. It was very hard. Really long and really hard.
What were we talking about again?
10. FLYNN SCIFO & YURI LOWELL
I’m sure any Tales of Vesperia fan-girl can tell you why Flynn and Yuri belong together, but the great thing about their relationship is that so much of it is merely implied. Sure, they’re friends on opposite sides of the law, but it is clear that their history together creates a complicated bond that transcends right and wrong. The two work perfectly as thematic foils, but they also make incredibly effective reluctant rivals.
Every time you run into Flynn, the player isn’t sure whether the two are going to fight or make out. It’s like Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves in Point Break, except the homosexual subtext is subtle.
9. GREMIO & TIR MCDOHL
This entry is somewhat unique in that the two characters don’t consider themselves equals. The protagonist ofSuikoden (canonically named “Tir”) is of noble birth, so his servant Gremio spends much of the game as little more than a faithful employee. However, over the course of the adventure it becomes clear that they have a truly powerful friendship, despite their differences. I could go on, but you already understand all there is to know about them once you reach the quote below.
“I think it’s time to say goodbye. I can’t see anymore. Young Master. I’m proud of you. Promise me that you’ll always follow your heart. That is my first, and final… request….”
8. FANG & VANILLE
Fun fact: Oerba Yun Fang was originally written as a male character. This was changed during the course of Final Fantasy XIII‘s tumultuous development, but it appears that very little dialogue between her and Vanille was affected by the gender swap. The result is gaming’s most flirtatious best friends.
Interestingly, this is far from the only instance of the developmental process taking a toll on character sexuality. Numerous Fire Emblem titles had gay (and incestuous) relationships translated into platonic affection for Western audiences. An excised same-sex route from Katawa Shoujo sheds a wholly different light on the friendship between Hisao and Kenji. Meanwhile, Persona 2: Innocent Sin didn’t even make it into English until Tatsuya and Jun’s relationship was toned down enough. Not even Harvest Moon is safe from lovers becoming “best friends.”
The upside? A host of adorable bromances.
7. DOMINIC SANTIAGO & MARCUS FENIX
If only this April Fool’s Day joke were real. Gears of War is a great series, but its unrelenting masculinity makes it a veritable minefield of homoeroticism. Case-in-point? The first game features an achievement called “I Can’t Quit You Dom.”
Even without the Brokeback Mountain references, Marcus and Dom have a great dynamic. They have each other’s (extremely muscular) backs though thick and thin, right up until Dom sacrifices everything for his friends. If a franchise as dark and serious as Gears can be said to have an emotional core, the camaraderie between these two is the gooey center.
Seriously though, Marcus and Dom are the J.D. and Turk of games.
6. NATHAN DRAKE & VICTOR SULLIVAN
I wish I could make new and interesting jokes about the relationship between Drake and Sully. However, to my eternal shame, someone else came along first and perfectly captured the essence of these two men (viaNeoGAF). Feast your eyes:
No–no words. No words to describe it. Poetry! They should’ve sent a poet.
5. CHIE SATONAKA & YUKIKO AMAGI
Persona 4 is a game in which, among other things, high school kids literally battle the embodiments of their deepest character flaws. The students face monsters based on their insecurities, their fears, and their doubts, allowing them to grow as people. In Chie’s case, the entirety of her psyche seems to be devoted to her best friend, Yukiko. It’s as heartwarming as it is creepy.
There are a lot of strong friendships in the Persona games–the fans don’t call him “Brosuke” Hanamura for nothing–but Chie and Yukiko narrowly edge out all of the others.
4. SONIC & TAILS
For such a beloved series with so much history, Sonic and Tails had surprisingly little chemistry throughout the majority of their partnership. I suppose that goes with the 16-bit territory, but it also makes their later interactions all that much more meaningful. Whether they are bantering back in forth in Colors or attending a birthday party inGenerations, you definitely get the sense that they are great friends.
That’s not taking into account the three television shows, the film, or any of the various comic book versions of the characters. Given the ludicrous volume of Sonic content across every medium known to man, it is possible that Sonic the Hedgehog and Miles Prower have entertainment’s greatest bromance. But, as far as gaming goes, there are a few more who bro more romantically.
3. MILES EDGEWORTH & PHOENIX WRIGHT
Ace Attorney has more unresolved sexual tension than a Tetsuya Nomura character has belts and zippers. As far as I can tell, neither age nor gender are a barrier to this odd effect. I kid you not, this is a fandom that produced slash fic of trenchcoats.
Anyway, Nick and Edgeworth are easily the most romantic product of all this perversion. Phoenix was actually inspired to become a lawyer by Miles, and their rivalry/friendship throughout the franchise is easily its driving force. It’s interesting to note that the two share surprisingly little screen time, yet the games treat them as though they’re always on each other’s minds. Only in the Turnabout Trial universe could a man spend his 9-to-5 day job talking to ghosts and getting lashed with a whip, and still find time to pine for the person who’s job it is to defeat him.
2. SOLID SNAKE & DR. HAL “OTACON” EMMERICH
Metal Gear Solid was an inauspicious start for Snake and Otacon. The former was on a mission to save the world, while the latter was busy helping the enemy and wetting himself. Despite this, these two unlikely allies would go on to do amazing things, including creating the world’s greatest handshake.
It would be easy to understate the depth of the Snake/Otacon attraction, especially in a series which includes duos like Raiden/Vamp, Volgin/Raikov, and Ocelet/Naked Snake. Hell, the Metal Gear Wiki has a whole separate entry for crotch grabbing. Still, there’s nothing quite like the parental vibes that David and Hal give off in the scenes with Sunny. They may as well be married.
If this was a list of my personal favorite bromances, this would easily be #1. However, the yaoi fans of the internet have spoken, and there is a clear winner….
1. SORA & RIKU
Kingdom Hearts would have you believe that Sora and Riku occupy a love triangle with their childhood friend Kairi. Many fans of the game would vehemently disagree. For whatever reason, the bromance between Sora and Riku is now the stuff of legends.
Leave it to Disney to fuel the unbridled lust of a million doujinshi. Seriously, if you leave this article with one lesson, let it be this: NEVER SEARCH FOR KINGDOM HEARTS IMAGES WITHOUT SAFE SEARCH ON.
Stay tuned next week for a special Valentine’s Day list!
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